So...its been a while and i feel like i must update. and so i sit down at the computer...and all ideas flee from my mind, and i am left to wander aimlessly through my mind, to write aimless and spontaneous words down.
I have three weeks of work left. BUSY WEEKS! by the time this is over i may have to be scrapped off the floor with the rest of my stray vegetable peelings. Its been a rough couple of weeks. Johnny is on holidays(and johnny is my sanity at work)which he well deserved, and i hope hes having an amazing time. However, of course, the moment he left, Gail got bronchitis.(and is in the hospital) so it has been Carson and i holding down the fort, and i have been stressed. Let me emphasis that word, STRESSED!
and now it is my my weekend and i miss you guys so much. i will probably go to town, maybe go see a movie. perhaps hang out with my brothers...the usual. and i remember why i was so desperate to leave the last time. its not the job and its not the lack of social life. Its the absolute depravity caused from the combination of the two.
If i could hang out here and soak in all the Yukon has to offer i would be a very happy person. I find myself longing for the 24th, because it is my last day of work ...and dreading it as well, because I'm not ready to leave all the things i love about the Yukon. this is typical of me, to always feel torn.
I think i am struggling with being always torn. torn between directions in life, torn between plans, torn between locations, torn between what to eat for breakfast. and inevitably, i settle for something in between. and somehow i have arrived at this place in my life, which is for lack of a better description...in between, and I don't want an in between life. Give me crap or give me adventure. i didn't sign up for mediocrity....but i still got it. how do i get myself out? i want adventure! and i don't mean a trip through the timhortons drive threw at midnight..on foot. I mean adventure....i mean Indiana Jones, meets Nancy drew, meets hells kitchen, meets lonely planet. i want to be kid again, and feel all of those thrills in the course of a couple hours playing time machine(my version of house).somehow i lost my creativity and my drive. because the truth of the matter is this. I'm the only one holding me back from all the dreams i have.
I had another dream about the first day of school...everyone was an exchange student and i couldn't communicate with any of them. it wasn't as fun as my first dreams.
okay guys...ill stop. i swear I'm not depressed, it only sounds that way. i miss you.
much love
4 comments:
I would love to say something insightful about being torn. Unfortunately, no. I can say how much I'm looking forward to your arrival though. Maybe when you're here among friends doing the school thing again you won't be thinking about tearing choices. An idle mind thinks about anything and everything, and as human nature dictates, it thinks primarily about what it can't have, could have and doesn't have. You're bored at work doing what you know you can do every day for a whack of hours, no wonder you're torn, you must be thinking all the time. And when you're not, since you think about it so much it's probably just chilling on your back-burner, seething away. That was not a cooking joke, I promise you. Anyways, I think that when you're hanging out with your friends again when you come back down here you won't feel as torn.
Lisa, my Lisa, I miss you and am counting down the days til you return =) I know what you mean about being torn hun, it's a wretched feeling being mediocre. We'll kick each others asses if we start doing that down here, deal? You are brilliant and wonderful and I can't wait for you to get your sexy Yukon tush back down here!! We will have our Scrubs party too, I promise =) And I can give you free teeeeeeeaaaaa!
I cannot wait to see you and hear many stories about the yukon!!! and pictures!
When you get back, Lisa dear, you can bet on many a-good times at our place! Adventures and Scrubs galore!!!
I miss yoouuuuuuu!!!
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