So Tasia and i were talking at the pub yesterday about "memory trails". How we learn certain patterns and they get cemented in our brains, and then it is hard to change our "trail"/route. when we find ourselves in similar situations we tend to revert to the "path" we are already familiar with. I am sick of this "trail" i am sick of wanting so despreatly to break my bad habits and having such a hard time forming new and healthy habits.
I am scared of everything. Im scared of worthwhile things. I am really good at making excuses or alternative plans. I am really good at handling disappointment to the point that i have steered myself to many a dissapointment on purpose. I am really good at sticking to my bad habits. I am terrible at change.

I know this but I continue to follow my mislaid "trails". Being aware of your shit doesnt necessarily mean you can work through it.