A Question of Romance

Yesterday I spent cleaning my house, doing scads of laundry and baking bread(which was followed by much eating of bread ....MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....)
Brianna gave me a call after dinner time(which was more bread)and i met her at mermaids for a nice drink, chat and people watching. the red hat ladies were there, and i was much amused by their karaoke antics and red and purple costumes. When i grow old i intend to wear bright costumes and sing bad renditions of old songs. can you imagine, our generation will look back fondly on the romantic ballads of Britney spears and Justin timberlake. Picture yourself, old gray and hopefully distinguished, but more likely sagging, singing sexy back. its almost sickening.

My Grandmother sent Robin and I to a concert sometime a couple years ago. It was a band playing old favorites from her era. I swear robin and i were the youngest people there....by about 50 years. I was sitting next to this very old frail woman who made mention of that fact and felt obligated to inform me of some of the history of the band. she was a wonderful old woman. very interesting. When the music played she swooned. The first song had apparently been one she remembered dancing with her husband to. she leaned into me, her eyes lite up as she rocked back and forth in some long forgotten dance step.
"She what you missed" she said. "It was such a romantic time." and i did feel that i had missed something. Sure today when i go out dancing, i don't have to worry that perhaps the boy I'm dancing with is leaving for war come the next morning, but instead of sweet nothings whispered into my ear, i get propositioned and two impatient hands groping my ass hoping to find a swift entrance into my pants. Is romance dead? And if it is, are we fine with that? Maybe I'm naive to think that it wasn't like this in my grandmothers day, because,quite honestly, I'm sure that men have always been focused on sex. Id like to go out dancing and not feel like any indication of interest could be taken as a promise of sexual favours. I've gotten quite good at dogging interested men or making myself look uninterested.

Wow, that turned into a rant. really, I just intended to say that when i grow old i want to be laid back and enjoy myself. I want to look back fondly on my past, but i want to be still enjoying the life I'm living.

With that said, i will repose my former question: Is Romance dead? And if it is, are we fine with that? Make me believe if you can. I don't want to be so cynical.

much love to you all. I'm excited to spend much of this early holiday season with you all.
Lisa

Steps towards a new me

so Ive been sad lately..... yes many of you have asked why and many of you have helped to comfort me. You bless me.

Reasons i have been sad:
- Im a little homesick.
- the whole colin thing (my family means EVERYTHING to me)
- i feel like im in the wrong place doing the wrong thing yet temporarily stuck here
- i dont really feel like i belong in this whole crazy theatre world
- i worked hard on my writing assignment and i wont get marks for it. it means a lot to me because ive decided i want to be a writer way down the road and i want to do better.
- I feel like im not the person i want to be.
- i gossip too much and i hate it
- ive had a stressful week of assignments and exams
- it feels like no one around me cares about school
- i hate theatre history and feel like i wasted my money taking it
- i paid a shit load of money for school and weve hardly had any classes
- I havent had a really in depth conversation in a very long time. i have so may surface conversations
- i spend too much time in the theatre building
- i feel useless
- I spend my nights dreaming of way cooler things than i actually wake up too
- I feel like my spiritual side is starving.

AND YET:( a happier note after that downer)
- there are reasons im here right now
- Ive figured out where i want to direct myself
- you are all so supportive and caring
- I have the best class ever(ART HISTORY IS AMAZING!)
- I live by myself in the best little house ever and i love it
- my family is so supportive
- My family is amazing
- I feel like ive learned something in stagecraft this term
- ive been relatively good at sticking to my budget
- In the summer im going on a one month walking tour of England with my family
- I m getting the alone time i need
- i dont feel pressure to party so much
- I know i want God to be a bigger part of my life and im not fighting that side of me any longer
-there are amazing people and things all around me.
- Im blown away by beautiful words and moments
- my brother is with the right person to help him through this time right now
- ive seen some very pretty men lately...i should hang out in the library more often
- colin bought me season 6 of scrubs and ive already watched every episode and some of them twice.
-Im found reasons lately to believe in love again(dont get too excited, none of them have to do with me directly)
- there is a girl sitting a few computers over whose has the most ridiculous hair style and it kind of makes me warm and fuzzy inside.


anyway...much love and thanks again for the support. i felt i owed it to you to explain a little whats up.

if anyone wants to go a walking with me sometime im going to try finding some walking trails.