Christmas

Robin's invention


my little brother Robin went to a florist to look for mistletoe...... all in the hopes that this girl he liked would be at his Christmas party...she couldn't come. 5 other screechy girls did come. at 2 in the morning i felt like ripping out their hair. What is it in us girls that makes us think the louder we are, the more attention we will get? why do we compete for attention?

Home is great.
Christmas tree hunting,tree decorating,house decorating,Christmas carols...everywhere, cookie making, cookie eating, birthday party for old high school friend, favorite Christmas movie watching, food, floor conversation with much missed Friends, ugly gift exchange, shopping in Whitehorse for stocking stuffers, family friends, fireworks, wrestling brothers, cuddling my dog, running into old friends, familiar faces, SNOW, cross country skiing....thus far

I'm excited for many more adventures. i hope everyone takes full advantage of their Christmas'. much love to you all, and Merry Christmas!

A Question of Romance

Yesterday I spent cleaning my house, doing scads of laundry and baking bread(which was followed by much eating of bread ....MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....)
Brianna gave me a call after dinner time(which was more bread)and i met her at mermaids for a nice drink, chat and people watching. the red hat ladies were there, and i was much amused by their karaoke antics and red and purple costumes. When i grow old i intend to wear bright costumes and sing bad renditions of old songs. can you imagine, our generation will look back fondly on the romantic ballads of Britney spears and Justin timberlake. Picture yourself, old gray and hopefully distinguished, but more likely sagging, singing sexy back. its almost sickening.

My Grandmother sent Robin and I to a concert sometime a couple years ago. It was a band playing old favorites from her era. I swear robin and i were the youngest people there....by about 50 years. I was sitting next to this very old frail woman who made mention of that fact and felt obligated to inform me of some of the history of the band. she was a wonderful old woman. very interesting. When the music played she swooned. The first song had apparently been one she remembered dancing with her husband to. she leaned into me, her eyes lite up as she rocked back and forth in some long forgotten dance step.
"She what you missed" she said. "It was such a romantic time." and i did feel that i had missed something. Sure today when i go out dancing, i don't have to worry that perhaps the boy I'm dancing with is leaving for war come the next morning, but instead of sweet nothings whispered into my ear, i get propositioned and two impatient hands groping my ass hoping to find a swift entrance into my pants. Is romance dead? And if it is, are we fine with that? Maybe I'm naive to think that it wasn't like this in my grandmothers day, because,quite honestly, I'm sure that men have always been focused on sex. Id like to go out dancing and not feel like any indication of interest could be taken as a promise of sexual favours. I've gotten quite good at dogging interested men or making myself look uninterested.

Wow, that turned into a rant. really, I just intended to say that when i grow old i want to be laid back and enjoy myself. I want to look back fondly on my past, but i want to be still enjoying the life I'm living.

With that said, i will repose my former question: Is Romance dead? And if it is, are we fine with that? Make me believe if you can. I don't want to be so cynical.

much love to you all. I'm excited to spend much of this early holiday season with you all.
Lisa

Steps towards a new me

so Ive been sad lately..... yes many of you have asked why and many of you have helped to comfort me. You bless me.

Reasons i have been sad:
- Im a little homesick.
- the whole colin thing (my family means EVERYTHING to me)
- i feel like im in the wrong place doing the wrong thing yet temporarily stuck here
- i dont really feel like i belong in this whole crazy theatre world
- i worked hard on my writing assignment and i wont get marks for it. it means a lot to me because ive decided i want to be a writer way down the road and i want to do better.
- I feel like im not the person i want to be.
- i gossip too much and i hate it
- ive had a stressful week of assignments and exams
- it feels like no one around me cares about school
- i hate theatre history and feel like i wasted my money taking it
- i paid a shit load of money for school and weve hardly had any classes
- I havent had a really in depth conversation in a very long time. i have so may surface conversations
- i spend too much time in the theatre building
- i feel useless
- I spend my nights dreaming of way cooler things than i actually wake up too
- I feel like my spiritual side is starving.

AND YET:( a happier note after that downer)
- there are reasons im here right now
- Ive figured out where i want to direct myself
- you are all so supportive and caring
- I have the best class ever(ART HISTORY IS AMAZING!)
- I live by myself in the best little house ever and i love it
- my family is so supportive
- My family is amazing
- I feel like ive learned something in stagecraft this term
- ive been relatively good at sticking to my budget
- In the summer im going on a one month walking tour of England with my family
- I m getting the alone time i need
- i dont feel pressure to party so much
- I know i want God to be a bigger part of my life and im not fighting that side of me any longer
-there are amazing people and things all around me.
- Im blown away by beautiful words and moments
- my brother is with the right person to help him through this time right now
- ive seen some very pretty men lately...i should hang out in the library more often
- colin bought me season 6 of scrubs and ive already watched every episode and some of them twice.
-Im found reasons lately to believe in love again(dont get too excited, none of them have to do with me directly)
- there is a girl sitting a few computers over whose has the most ridiculous hair style and it kind of makes me warm and fuzzy inside.


anyway...much love and thanks again for the support. i felt i owed it to you to explain a little whats up.

if anyone wants to go a walking with me sometime im going to try finding some walking trails.

I am sad today and homesick. My grandmother is so....arghhhhhhhhh!!! sometimes she puts me in the worst mood. I'm glad I'm not going to see her tomorrow. just what I don't need in my day/life: the most judgemental person in the universe.



This is one of my mothers paintings from her art show. she did really well and I wish I could have been there. I miss her.

Next summer my parents want to take the family on a walking tour of England. I'm excited.

end post

Dance like no one is watching!

Dance like no one is watching.......... Ive never really had a problem with this one as tacky and over used as it is. When it comes to dancing, the more flayling the better, ive always found. so when i get on a dance floor, most times i couldnt give a shit how bad a dancer i am. I can check that one off that stupid poem/thing.

there has been a new achievement in the bad dancing arena. I am pleased to annonce i have invented /perfected a new type of car dancing. i seem to listen to the majority of my music while in the car, so i figured it was about time. its a good thing there isnt really any traffic to speak off up here in the yukon because i now spend my drive to work and back flayling my none driving arm in all directions. i also like to pretend my fingers are tiny dancing people hoppping and bobbing all over the steering wheel.

okay...yes im strange! thats my story.
much love

ps thats me in the cow vest.

Hello Strangers!!

So...its been a while and i feel like i must update. and so i sit down at the computer...and all ideas flee from my mind, and i am left to wander aimlessly through my mind, to write aimless and spontaneous words down.

I have three weeks of work left. BUSY WEEKS! by the time this is over i may have to be scrapped off the floor with the rest of my stray vegetable peelings. Its been a rough couple of weeks. Johnny is on holidays(and johnny is my sanity at work)which he well deserved, and i hope hes having an amazing time. However, of course, the moment he left, Gail got bronchitis.(and is in the hospital) so it has been Carson and i holding down the fort, and i have been stressed. Let me emphasis that word, STRESSED!
and now it is my my weekend and i miss you guys so much. i will probably go to town, maybe go see a movie. perhaps hang out with my brothers...the usual. and i remember why i was so desperate to leave the last time. its not the job and its not the lack of social life. Its the absolute depravity caused from the combination of the two.
If i could hang out here and soak in all the Yukon has to offer i would be a very happy person. I find myself longing for the 24th, because it is my last day of work ...and dreading it as well, because I'm not ready to leave all the things i love about the Yukon. this is typical of me, to always feel torn.

I think i am struggling with being always torn. torn between directions in life, torn between plans, torn between locations, torn between what to eat for breakfast. and inevitably, i settle for something in between. and somehow i have arrived at this place in my life, which is for lack of a better description...in between, and I don't want an in between life. Give me crap or give me adventure. i didn't sign up for mediocrity....but i still got it. how do i get myself out? i want adventure! and i don't mean a trip through the timhortons drive threw at midnight..on foot. I mean adventure....i mean Indiana Jones, meets Nancy drew, meets hells kitchen, meets lonely planet. i want to be kid again, and feel all of those thrills in the course of a couple hours playing time machine(my version of house).somehow i lost my creativity and my drive. because the truth of the matter is this. I'm the only one holding me back from all the dreams i have.

I had another dream about the first day of school...everyone was an exchange student and i couldn't communicate with any of them. it wasn't as fun as my first dreams.


okay guys...ill stop. i swear I'm not depressed, it only sounds that way. i miss you.
much love

yesterday i was purposed to for...god knows...maybe the 30th time by an old man who enjoyed my cooking. Ive started turning red when any male speaks to me. it doesn't matter if they are old, young, fat, skinny, ugly, beautiful or somewhere in between. its a habit which must be stopped before its too late.

work is going well...home is going well.

I am enjoying my Friday night.(i have Sunday Mondays off) sometimes the nights before the weekends are more satisfying then the weekends themselves.

sorry, i have a boring life.

Much love

ps...my lawn is starting to kick ass

things i think about at work

Yesterday i dreaded going to work like i have never dreaded going to work before....and it was one of the best days ever! almost everything went wrong, but it all seemed so good. it was a day out of the mold, and it invigorated me for this week to come...which i have learned is only a 5 day week(not a 7 day week as i anticipated)....yipppe (thank you kim and jason for getting married on sat!!)


so, the place i work caters to weddings couples, and honeymoon couples, and engaged couples, and anniversary couples, and travelling couples, and....well just a whole lot of couples...which isnt a bad thing...in fact its rather nice. usually we have a middle aged crwod and i generally love our guests....but lately there have been cute boys around(shock and awe)....and THIS ISNT GOOD! in fact, ITS BAD! i cannot be oggling married men with wonderful wives and children on the way. Its just not right. so this is me wishing away the cute unavailable men. from now on i will not wish to see them at work. eye candy be damned.

I miss you all...can you believe its almost july already. holy smokes

anyway much love

Dreaming of exotic and far away places

I just finished reading the longest email in the history of emails. my friend marc has been travelling in asia, and he wrote a huge group email to fill everyone in on the trip. after reading about all his adventure, i find it hard to summon any memories of my own to write about.

Asia sounds like another world. cambodia and laios, thailand, korea and now hes on to china. why arent i travelling?
I find myself a little afraid. I hate to be the kind of travellor who sticks to the well groomed path, but i think im afraid of hitting the road alone in areas so different. so...for lack of a better word...foreign. Yet, i long for that adventure. i want to go somewhere where i couldnt even hope to find a mcdonalds. im too easily intimidated by the unknown and i long to change that. I will change that, in fact.

In other news my crazy work week is over. the dinner for the governor general went exceptionally well. and the begining part of that week, though hell...is now over. I had one day off after the gov. gen. thing and i took myself out for a fancy meal complete with cocktails. then i worked the last 4 days. now i have a full two days to recover, because next weekend i have a wedding.

much love to you all.

Dreams

I had two dreams last night about the first day of school. now they are both runnning into each other. i think the first one i dreamt i woke up from, and then had the first day of school. they were both crazy! but i was excited to see everyone, and i was despretly trying to seem normal in front of the first years.... and failing miserably by being the strangest person in the world!! Oh, and there was a lounge singer in a sequined suit hired for our first saytr meeting...which was hilarious. and there was a song and dance number about building sets....oh and there was an onsite dorm in the production room, but they were tiny and in with a bathroom so everyone had to go in there. At the end of this long skinny room were 4 sinks which were flooding because the water wouldnt stop going. so basically only the really desprete people had to stay there....although, ashley and spencer had a room in there, they were getting kicked out to make space for the newbies.

anyway..interesting? a bit odd, but it/they made me miss everyone like crazy. I get to sign up for classes today...maybe that had someting to do with why i had such bizarre dreams.

in other news...a week from today i will be cooking for the governer general and 42 other world dignitaries. needless to say, im getting a little nervous. Its going to be really interesting, so think of me next monday.

Today im going to go out to my work (as i forgot my purse there) head into town (40 minutes away from both my house and work...in different directions) do some shopping, pick up my brother , do some skecthing, go to a movie, and then pick up my other bro.

sorry for the boring post.....
much love to you all.

oh, and im officially putting this forward as my plee to have a seqined suited lounge singer perform at our first saytr meeting...brianna...youre the president, what says you?

Beautiful moments are worth living for

"fiction is the truth inside the lie, and the truth of this fiction is simple enough: the magic is real." -Stephen King

I have always sought to express this idea. A couple years ago i found this quote, and it has been one of my favorites ever since.

I find the magic in my life in small moments which might seem silly or inconsequential. I have always seen love as something smaller and yet infinitely more essential than most people i know. And by that i mean so much...i mean loving life, i mean loving food, i mean loving family and friends and hopefully someday loving "someone". but that's really not essential, because the part about love that is essential, is that you feel it and express it. it has very little do with having it felt about you, though god knows that is a moment and a feeling worth embracing and loving as well. what I'm trying to say is this...when people say we throw around the word love too much....I COULD NT DISAGREE MORE!!!! as cheesy as it sounds...love is the only thing in this world worth living for, and it is the only thing that will save us. and no one in this world will be happy until they stop waiting for love to find them and just love the things they truly love.

I love PIZZA...i love it!!!! and i love my family... and its a truly Amazing thing! It is so simple and tiny and inconsequential...BUT HUGE at the same time. more important and more essential than.................anything

I love life!!! i want to throw my head back in reckless abandon and embrace every last speck of it I want to love all that i can about it, and i don't want to hold back because love is something you save up for some highly unlikely or undeserving individual. Fuck that.

I love the rain!!
I love the feeling of water pouring over your skin. i love the feeling of being surrounded by the weather and the elements. this isn't a small feeling, this is enormous.

I love God!!!
and i don't care what anyone says. There is nothing in the world like throwing your arms up in surrender, your head to the heaven, screaming at the top of your lungs, and letting go of everything. having complete faith that its out of your hands and in the most capable hand possible. Letting go of all the worries all the doubt and all the hate and just being. living in complete sync with ...life. and feeling LOVED, but more essential, feeling like part of love.

I love being barefoot!!!
i love sand beneath my toes, and waves around my ankles. i love the smell of wet grass as i walk over it. i love the feeling when i first put my feet on the cold floor in the morning.

I love food!!!
i love biting into a ripe peach, the sweet smell and taste and feeling as it fills my mouth. i love cooking, and i love when i start to understand food in some small way. I love pickles and olives and lasagna. I love eating with friends. i love eating with my family. i love when a taste surprises me and enthralls me. I love making friends with old enemies...like mushrooms.

I love travel!!!
I love meeting "odd and flawed and worn out" people and i love the impact they have on me. i love knowing Ive impacted them in some small way. I love new places and new tastes and new feelings . i love the hope that comes with travel, and the feeling that anything is possible.

I love laughing!
Head thrown back in pure joy. pure abandon.

I love my friends!!
you guys amaze me in so many ways. you are so much more than you could ever know.

I love the unexpected!!
i love finding myself in unlikely moments. I love finding all my other loves in those moments. I love finding something new. I love finding something old.

I truly LOVE all these things!!!! and really i could go on forever....but i assume you have gotten the drift and maybe a whiff of the passion in what im saying.

I love the magic in life!!!
and ive only skimmed the surface

These things mean everything to me and some of them are so common place, but these things, and these small moments are worth living for....or so i think!

News from the Lawn Guardian

So this is the view from in front of my house. this photo was taken two years ago...take note of the beautiful GREEN lawn. somehow it went to shit since i was last here for a summer. I have therefore taken it on as my summer project. i will rejuvenate the lawn. It shall be green again!

the leaves are coming out here and you cant even imagine my excitement. this is very exciting for me. everything is covered in a beautiful green haze. its the most wonderful time of the year.

in other news i have a surprise day off today. huzzah! excellent for me. and tomorrow is my Friday. huzzah HUZZAH...I'm going to skagway this weekend!!!!!!

so that's short today....I'm off to nurture my lawn.

Much and effusive love to you all
guardian Lisa signing out

I've found a pair of rose colored glasses, and I dont care what anyone says, Im wearing them!

The Yukon seems to be the most beautiful place in the world to me right now. I cant get over the spectacular scenery. Its been here the whole time(you figure?), but Ive never really appreciated it till now.

I found these sunglasses in our car, and its been so sunny and bright, that necessity has forced me to wear the hideous safety goggle style contraptions. They have rose colored lenses in them and they make everything pop when i wear them. So yes, the title today is appropriate both literally and figuratively. I have been exceptionally happy with my surrounding. I have been seeing the Yukon in a brand new light. I have been enjoying my family and work in ways i never did before. perhaps i am seeing the Yukon in light of my time in nanaimo. Perhaps in the figurative sense, nanaimo became my rose colored glasses. On their own, a hideous head pinching contraption, but when looking through them(it) a brand new view on the everyday things around me.

so yes, I am happy. Two weeks here and things are falling into place. i haven't sleep so consistently sound in over two years. Ive created a two week rotating menu which my boss is exceptionally happy with. Ive had some of the best compliments on my work and personality that Ive ever had. and i just genuinely feel wanted and useful. Its been wonderful.

I think the best thing i have done is to come to terms with the fact that i will have NO social life for the next 4 months outside of work and family. I have no expectations and none of the feelings of entrapment which i had before. I'm looking forward to seeing you all when i return, and I'm keeping you in the back of my mind as my sanity and my consolation at the end of it all. But seriously, if it weren't for you guys, i wouldn't miss nanaimo at all...except maybe the river on a hot summer
day.

That being said.....I do miss you all IMMENSELY! Please keep in touch.
much love to you all.

A Quick Hello

so, i guess i should add a quick post. Im home in the yukon, and it feels sublime!!!

My weekend at grandma's was a weekend of torture, and i have never, NEVER been more glad to leave a place!

Home is wonderful. and its warm here(...crazy talk!) i might even say, it feel warmer here than in nanimo. though technically thats not true...but it possibly has something to do with the lack of humidity here. I spent wednesday in a tank and a sarong wandering around my property. Oh and robin and i went swimming in the lake...Yup theres still ice on it(nothing warm about that) but it was AWESOME!!

today hopefully im going to buy white stripes tickets...fingers crossed, its not a very large venue.

i start work next week...
I work here:
http://exceptionalplaces.com/

i know the website isnt anything special, but i love working there and im excited.

much love to you all

Okay... so wow....crazy party of drama!

it sure was an interesting end to the year if i do say. I'm sorry for puking all over the place and my general lack of composure. i hope i didn't piss anyone off too bad, if i did i'm sorry. Much love to you all.

I want to run away, but I cant...yet

Why does everything feel so daunting right now? The next 9 days seem like an impossibility. All the things i want to do are waiting behind the black curtain of april. There will be lots of fun to be had this month im sure, but it all seems like such an incredible burden.

I cant wait to go home. Im not having fun anymore. Its not just school, its not the assignments building up, its not just my living situation, Its not just the day to day, its not just the repetative, It not just nanaimo and how stuck i feel here...wait thats exactly what it is. normally in this situation i would back out, give up and move on, but im changing myself these days and the person i want to be i a lot more diligent than that. I want to be able to stick to something long enough to be successful at it(not that theatre is that thing...its just the principal of the whole thing.) Usually this is the point where i would question my nationality. maybe make a jest about being a sort of gypsy. But today I need to be more responsible for the things i do and dont do....aaaand more than that, i need to change.

Please forgive me for my easy anger these days and for my distance. Its easy to be angry about things in others which i cant change in myself. It is easy to notice faults in others when you share them. I really do love you all.

If i had a million dollars?

So its closing night tonight, and Power has come to its completion. Isnt it crazy how fast time is going? we have just over a month left. this must be especially weird for those people who are not returning next year. Strange thinking about what it will be like next year. Anyway, Im excited for the party tonight. It will be nice to hang out and dance with everyone.

so yesterday all us super cool ushers warmed up to the barenaked ladies singing..."if i had a million dollars." so folks heres the question....if you had a million dollars what would you do with it? more to the point would you be doing what you are doing now? and if not... is it only money thats holding you back?

If i had a million dollars? Yes, i think i would be here for the time being, though it would definately change my summer plans. In the long run, having a million dollars would probally not be the best thing for me

much love

doubts and fears......just what everyone wants to read about!!

a few things are constantly on my mind these days.

FUTURE- i guess the biggest thing on my mind right now is this word. it, sums up so many little things. with this school year speeding by i have been thinking a lot these days of what comes next. i keep asking myself if i fucked up going back to school. i mean...i know why im doing this. i do. i know why but at the same time, from an outside perspective it was a really stupid move for me. and yet im going to finish it. i want to follow through with it and i want to get all i can out of it...so i have to suck it up and start being responsible. thats hard for me. its hard being almost 24 and having to convince myself to act like a grown up. i ve been sitting down lately and forcing myself to face some of these questions. ive been trying to discover my goals.

SUMMER- what am i going to do???? its the immediate future and i cant even figure it out. will i stay here, go home, go east, or go someplace else? so many possibilities......i have no idea!

MONEY- so...im broke. as of yesterday i have 65 dollars, and in one week 85 dollars will automatically come out of my account. plus, i owe brianna 45 dollars and a few other people a few bucks here and there. I owe my parents 7 hundred dollars,and im going to have to borrow more. I am starting work again on the 14th so at least i know i will have money coming in again, but still, its hard not to panic.

RELATIONSHIPS- so i guess i cant ignore this one forever. There are so many relationships im so incredibly happy with...and these are all you guys. Im so happy to be a part of this whole thing with all of you, and you are all amazing. also i have been making a better effort with my best friend and its been amazing. however, im lonely. i am looking for love just like everyone else and it does get discouraging.

anyway...sorry to be such a downer

i love you all
Lisa

"Every so often i wonder what on earth we are waiting for"....(silence)..."for it to be too late..."

i had a great week

as you all know my little brother came to visit me. we had a really good time. Not the most exciting holiday for him perhaps, but we had some really good in depth conversations. Those kind of conversations im so fond of: real, meaningful, personal, yet absract. It meant alot to me, plus it was just nice having him around. felt a little bit like home. And you know the thing about family is...they know you and they love you regardless. My family is a strong fountation in my life and sometimes i forget how much i need them.

we went out last night for stephs birthday(HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH!!) i had a blast. i think i just needed to dance away some of the stress and worry. It was a grand success. I love hanging out with you all.

anyway.....im at the library trying to do homework. you can see how successful that endevor is hey? i hate being a bad student. its always on my list of things to change about myself, yet somehow i always avoid doing anything. i guess i should stop whining and do something eh/ well here goes.

bye
much love

Im seeing beautiful people everywhere lately.

Im changing my definitions.

You all amaze me.

the power of: ???????

okay so..."the power of." not sure how i feel about it. glad to be working on it, not so glad to have spent so much time talking about it....again! i mean, i suppose we had to go over evrything, but honestly, how sick am i of the term "the power of: ____." i just hope thing start actually coming together because right now its hard to imagine it.

super survey

okay these things are dangerous...i love email surveys...not sure why but i do!

Odd Questions
1.) Do you talk in your sleep? On the odd occasion
2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello? Red
3.) Whats the song thats getting on your nerves right now? Urinetown.....friggin hell i cant get it out of my head
4.) Favorite Food Group: fish and meat
5.) What's your favorite color(s)? seriously, i love gray and also yellow...and i dont want to hear anything about it you yellow haters.
6.) Window seat or aisle seat? i am all about the window seat
7.) Ever met anyone famous? no, but i saw tom green once, and i have colin firths autograph!!!!
8.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? Most days!
9.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Both.
10.) Who do you like - Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey? I love Oprah
11.) Basketball or Football? basketball
12.) How long do your showers last? As long as possible
15.) Are you self-conscious? to a degree but, come on, who isnt?
16.) Have you ever given money to a bum? Yes
18). Where do you wish you were? hawaii or the yukon (what else is new?)
19. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yup in a parade!!!!
20.) Can you tango? I can pretend
21.) Last gift you received? jacket, fluffy gloves, and scarf from grandma...
22.) Last sport you played? does karate count?
23.) Things you spend a lot of money on? School, rent and food....mostly food..... and alcohol
26) Favorite FAST food restaurant? dairy queen i think...or a pizza place....but seriously i have a secret love for mcdonalds
27) What food will you not eat? Live monkey brains (seriously its come up).....i guess in actuallity nothing still living. other than that, id like to think ill try anything
28) Can you sing? id like to think so
30) What's your least fav. chore? sweeping... or when the dishes have been sitting in cold water just fermenting in grossness.
31) Favorite Drink? mmmm lets see.....i like gin and tonics, or good coffee....or PUMPKIN PIE SPICED CHAI' from coyotes...also there are these chai smoothies in a little coffee shop in skagway that i still dream about. it honestly depends where i am...on the beach, all i want is a corona or a mai tai
32) Are you a vegetarian? No
33) Do you believe in Heaven? Yes
34) Do you miss someone? Always
35) Have you ever come close to dying? a few times.
37) Are you eating? Nope im sooo full
38) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? YES
39) Do you wear makeup? Mascara most days and other makeup on the occasion
40) Whats your worst fear? Dark water and fish
41) Would you ever have plastic surgery? only if i had a bad accident
42) What do you wear to bed? nothing if i can help it
45) What kind of shoes do you wear usually? shoes are over rated...sandals baby!
46) Do you want kids? maybe
47) Future child's name? Boulder...no...i like Julian, and Jude, Desmond, Seth (sorry jill)
50) Do you snore?Once i a while
51) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Everywhere.
52) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Not any longer, but i do have an extra pillow that i cuddle
53) If you won the lottery, what would you do? pay off my families debt and take them on a vacation...then go to hawaii with all my friends and do somthing charitable.
54) Gold or silver? Silver of course.....but i like gold if its tasteful
55) Hamburger or hot dog? Hot dogs from robson street
56) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be ? pizza Or my moms lasagna
57) City, beach, country? a little of all three
58) What was the last thing you touched? the computer...dum question
59) What did you eat last? perogies, and pasta
60) When was the last time you cried? Last night but that was the first time in a very long time.
61) Do you read blogs? I cant resist

Honestly...
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear? At the moment none...im not dressed yet
2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? Homework, family (i need to call them) money(i dont have any) party tonight
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? chilling
4. Honestly, what did you do today? slept in (best sleep ever) and ate and now this
5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive? somewhat
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? ive had no time...though ive not done a few things i should have and i guess thats bad
7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel? once in a while
8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? maybe a little...people who are in hawaii
9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? my amigos, my family, good music, good food, good sleep, good movies or entertainment and random adventure(we need to have more!!!)
10. Honestly, do you bite your nails? not anymore
11. Honestly, what is your mood right now? mostly good....a little stressed and somewhat lonely
12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? no
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute? Yeah my family
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? no
16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now? im taming my hate
17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? pretty much anyone...except creepy people. I want one of those hugs you feel like living in forever.
18. Honestly, are you loyal? yes
19. Honestly, are you in denial? oh probally
20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? no
21. Honestly, who is your best friend? Rae and christina and my jilly bean
22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol? what a stupid question
23. Honestly, do you like someone? no
24. Honestly, does anyone like you? no
25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? ummmmm how do i answer this question
26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? For right now...i think so

new post titled "new post"

so....
hey....wow!
good times....good times.
yup...
uhhuh...

I thought i could muster together something of a post. Now that ive started its not looking so promising.

went to demo ballroom dancing class this evening. it was a good time...yup....uhhuh.
tommorow is homework/christrinas birthday party/dinner day.

AND SUNDAY......everyone should come sunday to mermaids mug for "surprise movie night" with free popcorn. mermaids mug is a cool new cafe downtown on wesly street right across from delecados. its super cool and amazingly tacky(i love it!!!!!!). if a free movie isnt enticing enough...come for the amazing paninis......mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!



so folks...thats my creative energy for today.
much love

DEMULCENT.../di-'mel-sent/ adj: soothing

hurrah for word of the day calendars!

today's word suits my mood. Its been a soothing day. my mother and i drove my brother into town for school. i slept in the car while she had a massage( i hate naps, Ive been drowsy since!) I got a haircut( i like it?). came home and watched the cheesiest movie i have ever seen(Aquamarine). I started up the hot tub, and rae is coming over in a little while, and we will enjoy it.

I have two days left before leaving and.......
yeah so....i still have some stuff to figure out before then. Iam taking my father laptop but first i have to transfer all his files. I have to figure out how to get from the airport to the ferry and from the ferry home etc etc... i have to do laundry and pack...etc etc etc...blabla bla didy bla bla.....

yeah it must be almost time for me to get back...these are getting BORING!

much love

ps
i have found myself referring to nanaimo as "home" lately.....but when i think about home i don't think about the place where i live. i think about hanging out with you all(yes, you all....Y'all), and chilling at the"bj" house.

SHE'S GONE!!!!!!!!

okay, okay! so that last update was rather.....how do you say....DEPRESSING!

My grandmother left today (and the heavens open! sunlight rains down on the peoples uplifted faces!!!!) let me tell you, WHAT a relief! she has been causing trouble the past few days....insulting my mother, telling us we dont love her, and we didnt try hard enough to entertain her...my mothers a bad hostess, none of our friends are good enough, we dont think shes special enough, ...bla bla bla... CAN YOU SAY PITY PARTY?!!!!!!! anyway...its been hard on all of us, but crazy hard on my mother (her daughter.) needless to say, Im so happy to have my last 3 days without her.

we have planned a super fantastic sledding party for my last day in town(sat). a wenny roast over bonfire and some more sledding (my brothers are freakin maniacs...and i swear they are trying to kill me...death by sledding accident!)

anyway missing you all crazy like.

Just call me jannick the psychic!

so my prediction of new years eve was correct...though if that was the low part of the trip, then i am absolutely okay with that. I had a lot of fun, it just ended kind of oddly ( i should never have kids....don't worry I'll explain later).
i have decided that my new years resolution is to work on this worry issue, whatever that may mean. Certain aspects of it have completely left, while others remain in their entirety worse than ever. By that i mean, i no longer worry about everything. I don't find myself sitting in busy parking lots worried what i will do next, or worrying that i will be worried, or if i will fall asleep (which i never did). Thank god that is over. However i do work myself up over the smallest little things......for example...say your brother says hes going to go look for a phone and 45 mins later he doesn't appear. instead of me thinking he just got distracted(which my logical side admitted freely) I imagine that he is dead somewhere(perhaps hit by a car...or that he met his stupid drunk driving friend who inevitably crashes with Colin in the vehicle) It doesn't end there however...because once Ive imagined him dead...next i imagine the process i will have to go through if he is. Of course i could not go back to school. thus, i would sit here at home miserable and aching inside, pining on everything. I think of how angry i would be, and the people i would blame(Colin's drunk driving friend) and of course i would wine and complain to god...threatening every minute to stop believing....and all the while hating him.....so yes...apparently this is my dysfunctional side. SURPRISE! I should never have children!!!!

so the good side of my new years was up until that last 45mins. Robin and i went back to the desert for some kamikaze sledding! Then later in the evening I got together with my friend rae and some other good friends, Amanda and Stacey(hes a man...they are married). we went and had appys and visited some friends who were lounging at home. After tearing ourselves away from that crazy fun, we went and visited our old haunting ground (one of the hick est bars ever) for some good old Swamp donkeys(worse band ever...same line up they've had for 3 years!!!). Regardless, we got on the dance floor and ripped shit. along came my little brother and his friend. Colin got out on the dance floor with us and it was AWESOME!!!!! we were the envy of the whole bar (I'm joking...but I'm not!). An awesome New years until the i started working myself up! Thus my new years resolution.


anyway folks...the good news is that my functional side overpowers my dysfunctional side ....most times, and today is going to kick yesterdays ass!

I miss you all, and I'm jealous that you get to all be together. I'm back on the 7th and i will be ever so excited to see you.

much love